WHAT IT WAS, WAS FOOTBALL
"It was back last October, I
believe it was.
We was a-goin’ t’hold a tent
service in this college town.
And we got thar about dinnertime
on Saturday and different ones of us thought we ought to get us a mouthful to
eat before that we set up the tent.
And so, we got down off of the
truck and followed this little bunch of people through this small little bitty
patch of woods.
And we come up on a big sign, says
“Get somethin’ to eat here!”
And I went up and got me two hot
dogs and a big Orange drink.
And before I could take ary
mouthful of that food this whole raft of people come up around me and got me to
where I couldn’t eat nothin’ up like - and I dropped my big Orange drink.
I did!
Well friends, they commenced to
move and they wasn’t so much I could do except to move with ‘em.
Well, we commenced to go through
all kinds of doors and gates and I don’t know what all, and I looked up over
one of ‘em and it says “North Gate”, and we kept on a-goin’ through there, and
pretty soon we come up on a young boy.
And he says “Ticket, please…”
And I says “Friend, I don’t have a
ticket. I don’t even know where it is that I’m a-goin’.”
I did!
Well he says “Come out as quick as
you can.”
And I says “I’ll do‘er - I’ll
turn around the first chance I get.”
Well, we kept on a-movin’ through
there and pretty soon everyone got where it was that they was a’goin’ because
they parted and I could see pretty good.
I could!
And what I seen was this whole
raft a people a-settin’ on these two banks and a-lookin’ at one another acrosst
this purty little green cow pasture!
Well, they was!
And somebody had took and drawed
white lines all over it and drove posts in it and I don’t know what all!
And I looked down there and I seen five or six
convicts a-runnin’ up and down and a-blowin’ whistles!
They was!
And then I looked down there and I
seen these pretty girls a-wearin’ these little bitty short dresses and
a-dancin’ around, an’ so I set down and thought I’d see what it was that was a-gonna
happen.
I did!
And about the time I got set down
good, I looked down there and I seen thirty or forty men come a-runnin’ out of
one end of a great big outhouse down there!
They did!
An’ everybody where I was
a-settin’ got up and hollered!
And about that time thirty or
forty come a-runnin out of the other end of that outhouse and the other bank
full - THEY got up and hollered!
An’ I asked this feller that was
a-settin’ beside me, I says
“Friend, what is it that they’re a-hollerin’ for?”
Well he whopped me on the back and
he says “Buddy, have a drink!”
"Well," I says “I believe I will
have another big Orange.”
An’ I got it and set back down.
An’ when I got back down there
again, I seen that them men had got in two little bitty bunches down there.
They had - real close together - and
they voted!
They did!
They voted and elected one man
apiece.
And them two men come out in the
middle of that cow pasture and shook hands like they hadn’t seen one another in
a long time.
And then a convict come over to
where they was a-standin’ an’ he took out a quarter and they commenced to
odd-man right there!
They did!
Well, after a while I seen what it
was that they was a-odd-mannin’ for.
It was that both bunches - full of
them men wanted this funny-lookin’ little punkin to play with!
They did!
And I know friends that they couldn’t-a
eat it ‘cause they'd kicked it around the whole evenin’ and it never busted!
But anyhow what I was a-tellin’
was that both bunches-full wanted that thang and one bunch got it an’ it made
the other bunch just as mad as they could be and friends I seen that evenin’ the
awfullest fight that I’d ever seen in my life!
I did!
They would run at one another and
kick one another and throw one another down and stomp on one another and grind
their feet in one another and I don’t know what all!
And just as fast as one would get
hurt they’d tote him off and run another’n on!
They did!
Well, they done that as long as I
set there but pretty soon this boy that had said “Ticket please…” he come up to
me and he says “Friend, you’re gonna have to leave because it is that you don’t
have a ticket.”
And I says “Well, alright…” an’ I got up an’
left.
An’ I don’t know, friends, until this day what
it was that they was a-doin’ down there, but I have studied about it, and I
think it’s some kindly of a contest where they see which bunch-full of them men
can take that punkin an’ run from one end of that cow pasture to the other’n
without either gettin’ knocked down - ‘er steppin’ in somethin’!"
~Andy Griffith
